Editors Unbound: Elaine Equi’s “Avoidance”
Natalie: Hi Izzy, let’s talk about Elaine Equi’s “Avoidance.”
Izzy: I’m so excited.
[The editors giggle. Giggle giggle giggle.]
Natalie: So, what did you initially think of the poem?
Izzy: I was really confused. I understood where the poem was coming from with the idea of avoidance and procrastination, but I feel like I got a little lost.
Natalie: Yeah, I get that. Me too, a little bit. The moment at the beginning where she talks about looking at a book instead of watching a movie was funny to me, though, because I feel like that’s so real, and it was unique that a poet would write about that. Because, you know, usually adults are saying to not watch your phone when a movie’s on. I know for sure my mom has asked me, “Are you even watching that?” when I was looking at Pinterest instead of watching a movie that was on. This poet is really appealing to a 21st century, digital age audience.
Izzy: Yeah, I feel like that’s a big conflict in the film industry nowadays: the struggle to connect with viewers in a way that pulls them from their screens. I know lots of big movie companies are actually pushing this idea of making movies that can be played in the background while you scroll on your phone instead of striving to be innovative.
Natalie: Oh, I didn’t know that! That’s so weird. I feel like, though, it’s not even just the fault of the movie industry, but also partly our own faults. Like with all these social media companies, even Facebook, which caters to an older audience, adding short videos to their platform, it’s like everyone’s attention span is so short. Movies don’t give that same instant gratification that a quick video can, and I feel like this can be applied to a lot of things. Like, you know, doing homework—
Izzy: Ewwwwww.
Natalie: Haha! That’s real. But anyways, I know sometimes I take a quick scroll break when I’m getting bored of an assignment that’s taking forever to finish, because my brain gets this reward, but really it’s just kind of lowering my attention span and ability to focus.
Izzy: I feel that. The theme of avoidance in this poem… ‘cause I’m trying to say that like—this is hard—um—
Natalie: Yeah?
Izzy: I feel like the theme of avoidance in this poem jumps around. As in like, we see the poet go from wanting to avoid this movie they are watching, to revealing that the act of turning on the movie was really in order to put off having to write this very poem.
Natalie: Mhm, I noticed that too. That was interesting, because she said “I am actively avoiding the film,” like she knows that she is in a state of procrastination, and it feels like almost a bit of a stressed tone, because even though maybe the movie is meant to be something relaxing for her—perhaps as depicted in the character “you, ”who is sleeping—really, it’s just something that will serve as a reminder of that avoidance. If that makes sense.
Izzy: Ahh, I understand where you’re going with that.
Natalie: You know? Because she’s even avoiding the sleeping “you” by going to another room; even in her avoidance she can’t rest like she feels like she should.
[There’s a moment of silence as they both look over their copies of the poem, flipping their respective pages back and forth in an effort to realize some sort of miraculous analysis.]
Natalie: I also thought it was interesting how when she left the room with the movie, she started to become more at peace with it, noting that it was “a kind of spoken music of emotional tones, / and without the visuals, it’s almost enjoyable.” I think it shows…I think it shows how, um… like, constant stimulation for the brain is really a hindrance to creativity, because with something like music, you just have that soft background sound, but with a film, it’s really taking all of your senses. I feel like boredom and a bit of silence—you know, how she noted that the movie sound had become “faint[er]”—is really key for creativity. People sometimes see silence as bad, like a symbol of boredom, or even that boredom is bad.
Izzy: Ooo.
Natalie: But I feel like people in this day and age have forgotten how to be bored. We have so much at our fingertips: all these books, movies, YouTube shorts, and with all of these things, we feel like we don’t have as much time for those slower activities, like writing. But we do have time, it’s just we spend all of it constantly being rewarded and gratified. I remember when I was younger, (editor’s note: Natalie is now at the ripe old age of sixteen) I used to shout to my mom, “I’m bored,” but now with more social media, I feel like I don’t think that as much, but being bored is like a gate to more fun activities, because you actually have time to sit in that seemingly uncomfortable silence and think. We have to be more comfortable with that discomfort, and then one day it won’t be discomfort anymore… sorry if that doesn’t make sense.
Izzy: No, I completely agree with what you’re saying. Um, from my own personal experience, I remember whenever I’d go to a restaurant with my parents, I’d always see my dad on his phone while we were waiting for our food to come out.
Natalie: Omigosh my dad always does that toooo.
Izzy: That’s so real.
[They both laugh. Izzy waits a moment before continuing.]
Izzy: Anyways, by observing that behavior from my father for all those years, I now have begun to replicate it in an effort to rid myself of trivial boredom-inducing moments.
Natalie: Ooo, okay!
Izzy: In my opinion, however, my best ideas come from long car rides, standing in lines for hours at the airport, and even just in awkward pauses in conversation. Moments that force the brain into stimulation and bring about moments for reflection. (That’s too many uses of “moments” in one sentence, oh my god.)
Natalie: What type of reflection do you like to have?
[The two editors giggle again. A friend, Ally, enters for a second.]
Ally: Are you guys recording?
Natalie and Izzy: Yes.
Ally: Can I be the special guest? …Just kidding, I don’t want to.
[Laughter between the two editors.]
Izzy: STOP SAYING “LAUGHTER BETWEEN THE TWO EDITORS” SO IT GOES IN THE TRANSCRIPT.
[Laughter, but just from Natalie and Ally. And Izzy, but only a little bit.]
Izzy: I CAN HEAR YOU SAYING THAT. NOBODY IS ACTUALLY LAUGHING.
Natalie: [Between chuckles] Okay, let’s get back to the poem.
Ally: Guys, I have to get to class. Bye.
[Ally exits. Awkward silence followed by explosive laughter between the two girls.]
Natalie: Okay. Wait, so what were you saying about the importance of reflection time?
Izzy: Nothing, just that it’s beneficial to reserve time to let your brain be bored, rather than to fill it with distractions, such as the ones that the speaker of the poem continuously indulges in. At the end of the poem, we see the speaker returning to this habit of distracting themselves when they describe the act of writing the poem, which they’ve been putting off, as their new momentary distraction. Something that will shut out everything around them, even if it’s just for a moment.
Natalie: Yeah, I agree, that’s kind of what I was saying. I also thought it was interesting how at the end of the poem, she is glad to “pursue wholeheartedly to the exclusion of everything else.” Because at the start of the poem, avoidance and exclusion seemed to be things that bothered her and stressed her out, but here, when she’s doing something she loves and is passionate about, that ability to block out the world comes. But this time, you know, like, it’s coming in a good way, not from a brainrot-procrastination-doomscrolling way.
Izzy: A.K.A., the positive aspect of boredom: its ability to force you to do the creative things you love.
[They both nod their heads and go “mmm” as if they’ve cracked the case.]
Natalie: Before we finish, can we talk about the metafictive element of it? Because I feel like that’s really interesting—how she talks about sitting down to write a poem that’s in the present tense about her procrastinating. You know, like she is writing a poem about her procrastinating, but when she was saying she was procrastinating she was really writing it. You know what I mean?
Izzy: Yeah. I’m not sure if that’s innovative though. I feel like I’ve seen lots of poems accomplish the same thing, but with better emotional stakes than what we saw in this poem. The act of ending a poem by saying something along the lines of “and then I started writing the poem you’re reading right now” has been seen before. Hell, even I’m guilty of it.
Editors’ Note: Despite this criticism, we value Ms. Equi’s poetry and understand the artistry that goes into creative media. We also appreciate that she has conducted interviews with our writers on this very website. Thank you, Ms. Equi!
Natalie: Yeah, I could see that, because the poem didn’t have that “vatic” voice that a lot of poetry I’ve seen has. If I had to guess why she included it, maybe it’s that sometimes when we are doing things we enjoy, we can still feel distracted in our minds and not fully present. Like, I know for me, even on the weekends if I’m doing something fun, my homework and assignments always loom in the back of my mind. Maybe it’s her call to action that just doing the thing you enjoy isn’t enough, but your mental state has to be fully present too. Like, the whole time she is writing the poem, but the poem is about not writing the poem, until she “locks in” at the end. Equi is not even fully present in her own poem until she explicitly acknowledges the peace and joy she gets when she is writing it. I feel like I cooked with that. Do you have any ideas about it?
Izzy: Wow. I can’t believe I just witnessed that. That was pretty coo (—short for cool). Honestly, I agree with your interpretation of your poem with the lens that your mind should be committed to what you are doing and not elsewhere. I feel like it resonates with a lot of people of our generation (probably because of our ever-shortening attention spans) or even in our community, where academics are regarded with high importance.
Natalie: What do you mean by the academics part?
Izzy: I mean that in Darien especially, academics are valued very highly, meaning they may bleed into students’ minds even when they aren’t doing anything academic. There’s always a constant voice in the back of a lot of Darien kids’ minds telling them “am I doing enough? Could I be working harder to improve my future? What will my life be like in a few years?” I guess what you said just resonated with that idea.
Natalie: Ohh, yeah, that is kind of like what I was saying.
[Silence for a few moments.]
Natalie: I feel like we’re done for now…? It’s like that quote from last year, where we took our seat in the salon, and joined the conversation for a bit, and now we are leaving.
Izzy: OMG you’re so right, haha.
Natalie: Do you have any last things you want to say?
Izzy: No, not really. I think we’re good. This has been a great chat, and super enlightening! Thanks for talking with me today, “Natalia.”
Natalie: Meh, I guess it was okay. You’re welcome.
[Laughter between the two editors.]